(English) The forgotten dimension of attachment

When I first got in contact with Diana Fosha and with people who where working with AEDP I found their language a bit exaggerated. Too nice or too warm may be (It is so good to see you!), but it felt really nice as well. But being influenced and getting more familiar with the model, I started to become more aware of what happens inside when we meet and spend time with other people. The subtle joy it causes when we contact someone’s eyes. How we lighten up inside when  we meet someone, sometimes even someone we meet for the first time. How we feel less alone and more alive when we continue our way after the meeting. How we can be touched by the other’s happiness to see us, their smile at our meeting. How we can be moved and feel cared about by the concern and interest of others in our well being. How we can feel honored by someone’s professional interest in what we think  or have written. The privilege it is to wake up next to our partner, or to spend time with a friend sharing life experiences.

All these things are so often in the background. We are so absorbed and concerned with what we are talking about or what we want to achieve, that we often forget this relational dimension. Only with our young children we naturally allow ourselves to experience  and express these feelings. As I get less forgetful and have grown more aware of these feelings, I notice myself naturally saying the same things that I found too strong in the beginning. Now they feel just as intense too me. Life is so much richer if we are in touch with our feelings of being connected to others.

Hans Welling

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